I told you i would blog: [TODAY'S ENTRY] Absent from school? More about myself

What do you always do when you're absent for school? Or rather why were you absent from school. For me, i can list a thousand and one reasons for me to not be in school.

1) I'm always ill

Be it having a weak health system, lack of exercise or lack of meat and protein, I've always been ill recently. Maybe not when i'm still a table tennis enthusiast in school. I've even represented the school as a Table tennis captain, nothing surprising. However, trouble take its toll and screw up my everyday life. Sometimes, i get gastric problems (which is also not surprising for me). Sometimes, i suffer from a bad tummy ache. Sometimes, i get fever, as high as 39.6 degrees. Yea, perhaps my parents are gonna yag about how i don't sleep early and la la la abc what not. Maybe i should start exercising to lose some fats, and also to get even healthier so i wouldn't fall sick? haha

You know what?

I had a 36.8 mild fever months back and that wasn't a problem because i'll just pop some panadols down my throat. But after that, fever decided to come back with a shocking 39.6 degrees. I felt cold and i shivered all day long. However, i didn't feel much of a headache, just dizzy. That's when i thought my fever was around the normal 36.+ degree range i would always suffer from. Stupidly, i went to sleep without consulting a doctor. GUESS WHAT. The cold and uneasiness woke me up after 6 short hours. That's when i knew something was wrong, my mom whatsapp-ed me to visit the doctor immediately (She was at her workplace).

I was stunned. It was a 39.6 degree fever. Who knew the fever would continue burning my brains up if i didn't seek help from the clinic.

2) I always have insomnia

I spend the night in deep pondering, Maybe some drawing, surfing the net, using facebook and instagram or even blog. The night time is always a time for me to reflect on my everyday life, what am i upset about, what could i do about my life, or maybe.. How lost am i right now. And when i start thinking or doing my activities, my brain would start processing and i would find myself having insomnia. I'm always awake at 5am and i'll always fall asleep at around 7am? By the time i wake up, good grief, it's already ... 6pm. This routine will never stop.

My mom would always think the reason to my insomnia would be using my phone in bed. Obviously, the reason i used my phone is because i tried leaving everything aside to sleep and i still can't fall asleep. That was WHY i've decided to take my phone out to use and maybe drain some energy out. DO you think i would be that stupid to use my phone at the same time and complain that i can't fall asleep? argh. There's a way to cure, obviously, which is to stay awake till the night and finally concuss on my bed. But how would i definitely do it without staying out of house? I'm personally a grouchy virgo when i lack of sleep. That's why i would just continue sleeping after 12pm and i'll still allow myself to continue sleeping till i wake up, pretty much spoiling myself. The only way to stay awake? Is to hangout out of house. but wait.

I'm single

My friends are all busy with others

My bestfriend has a boyfriend, and rarely has time for me

I have a rather weird personality, and i'm pretty an introvert in disguise, it may be harder for me to make new friends, but i'm actually okay with it. It's just that, you have to pick the correct friends, not people who tries to talk to you every now and then just to gain your attention for your looks, fame, or what not. Don't get me wrong, i'm not trying to say i fit in that category. Being in a relationship? that's also very important to get someone you're sure you would be happy with, and lots of other factors you have to consider. Nowadays, people treat relationships like changing undergarments everyday. Do they really know what it takes to be in a relationship? Well, i take them seriously. Because it's a 2 party 1 relationship thing. Let's not talk more about that.

3) I prefer the night
The night is young. I prefer gazing up the night skies, embracing the night breeze and the tender quietness. It feels like you're in another world and no one could bother you there. Why would i say that? I tend to enjoy being alone, doing my own things, having my own space. But not everytime . Its normal for introverts to act like that, especially coming from a virgo, it isn't at all a surprising thing. However, introverts have their times too, they don't always love to be alone, and its definitely alright for them to feel like going out at times, together with friends. But just not a big crowd will do. What i'm trying to say is, doesn't mean you're an introvert, you have to always act like one. Introverts have extroverts's character too, vice versa. You got what i meant? AND, not to forget about how i often become very active when it comes to night time, often, not always.

Weird fact about me : I always have a weird mindset thinking of.....

At night---> " oh my god, it's already 3am? i only have ___ hours of sleep..urgh"

Then i'll feel tensed up and worried, then the more i find myself unable to sleep

In the day---> " Ah, i have a whole day to sleep since it's just morning"

Then i'll turn in like an owl

Hey what to do, i'm a night person :(, that's what i discovered after attempting to understand more of myself. Not to follow that stupid same old student routine when you force yourself to wake up at 6am,why would i pressure myself to do something im uncomfortable with? then, i wouldn't wake up for school.

Not that i can't be a day person, but its just that i have to fix my body clock back. And in the first place, how can i even fix it back when i've already the night personality? It's easy to say "you just have to fix it back and turn back to the day girl! Hey, in the first place, how do you even "fix it back" , To fix it back? sleep early! So how do i sleep early when i can't even fall asleep at night, not that i didn't try. I've even cut down some nap timing as much as i hate. Its equivalent to tell someone it's easy to eat an apple, all they have to do is chew, but how does the person chew if they got braces -_-? " Just can't think of another example, oops.

4) You know the feeling when you're not updated about school activities

Have you ever experienced a time when you've been absent from school and you're so behind, you don't even know whats happening? Yea, people will say "THEN IT IS TIME FOR YOU TO GO BACK AND CATCH UP!" blablabla. But hey, If you're already so sick and tired of studying and drilling for the past years and its finally time for you to take a step back and enjoy life and understand more about yourself, and then you're already so discouraged from being lacked far behind, Where do you even get the motivation to crawl back to school and get back up on your feet? Don't talk about motivation, i don't even dare to think about it. LOL. Basically, just wanna stay away from those stress-relatied issues and just stay in my own happy world. Urgh, after all, theres gonna be a time that i have to get back up, i wouldn't let my results go to waste. Having 2nd place during secondary two and slowly giving up till now? no way. But the time i decide to go back into focusing education would be a mystery.

After all, I just want to love myself more, to spend time understanding myself, my nature, my character and my weird personality, mom, are you reading my blog? Sorry if this article is a little dry to people who doesn't have interest about my life, But if you do share the same experience coincidentally, i'm sure you'll have fun reading this. Readers, Tell me about your life too, would love to be your listening ear.